Our Little Cock-le Boat...

Close my eyes, and breathe,
I can hear the rain creeping through trees.
But the ceiling fan plays games in circles,
Mocking, as it sells slaps for dreams.

The sky drowned slowly in nothingness,

like a black hole, without deaths kiss.
Like dark, without the suction of light,
Or is that just my heart?

And I’l listen as you rustle leaves,
softly treading while I sleep.
and I wouldn’t hear you from our bed,

But I was scurrying out our door again.

I run home smelling like your perfume,
the wind blows you back into my room,
Your tongue turns as I gasp for air,
your shape that fits perfectly, that groove, right there.

But the sun brings the dawn of new hands,
And I find myself clinging to another man.
Who will sense my spirit as it writhes, as it glides,
leave my hands with a smile, I can’t deny.

And I board his plane to zenith, hit nadir instead,
“I’m busy, I’l fuck you, next  time”, he said.
And I’l juggle two halves, not willing to choose,
I’d rather rape ego, than ask, for either of you.

So night returns me to our window, with my lips sealed,
lost in the loneliness of the bats screams,
and we run around and have sex in this bush for hours,
wanting each other, cause it can’t be ours.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(My) Propensity of Seasons

Crouching -
An angry low; being covered
blanket of snow.
Distaste to every death and being.
Living, barely breathing.
Icicles on the tip of my tongue.
Feeling frost harden skin while burning.
Slowly rain pouring and purging.
Deep breath, gag up the death.
The metamorphosis of heat and sun.
A warming upon an upturned face.
Crouch to a lounge, a stretch free from burden.

 And the shelves of winter shatter in the wake

(Leaving chipped glass hidden for the future.)



-
I'm not sure why I like this piece so much. I just loved writing it though.
I love that destruction

Keeper of the Dead Flowers

The harness around the mirror is cracked,
Blood, bruises, and pain are your better friends.
I'm hardly a consolation.
though i think you like me near

I think I admire your bravery.
I think I admire your blood, bruises, and pain.
I think I wish I could drown.

You could.
But I admire my desire to live more, or hate it.
Unsure. Either way,
I suffer for it.

Because you could drown.
But I'm always drowning.
You just gasp and throw up blood.
I let it live like poison inside.


-Poetically beautiful, no
Artistically done, not at all
Bored and feeling like the world is claustrophobic and without much hope of betterment? Per usual.

Waste of Space...

So I'm trying to do something new here..a new base..somewhat? :[ :P and its meant to be a song

Waste of Space...

How many times will you fall?
How long are you going to crawl?
When will you learn to be a man?
Evolution got you off your hands!

Dont you see the ground below you?
Its time you took a stand for you.
If you dont believe you are something,
we wont believe it for you.

 [chorus]
And you are just the waste of space you think you are
And you are just the waste of space you think you are
Just as ugly as the mirror
Just as empty as your glass.
Just as fat, aint getting thinner,
as boring as the days gone past.
As beautiful as you believe...

Your life has gone astray,
you expect me to lead the way.
I'l be the torch for your lives,
but what happens when my batteries die?

And if you know you're going to fail
the whole world cant help you sail.
Its time to cut the cord if they stop you
from being who you want to, today.

[chorus]


So,
How many times will you fall?
How long are you going to crawl?
When will you learn to be a man?
Evolution got you off your hands!

Get off your hands...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shraddha.

In Rememberance of those Poetic things

Remember this as the world crashes down. There was a falling building inside that raindrop. The streets engulfed in flames are behind this wall of rainfall. I can feel it; even if it isn’t real.

Remember these lips. They press against yours softly as I curl my body against yours hidden within the sheets. These sheets are my modesty. They hide my scars. The scars you lightly trace with your hands. No pity – just those soft hands. Sometimes when I can escape the madness in my head and the roars of all the noises and voices I can just feel those hands lightly tracing. Most times I can’t. I relish the moments I can; like now.

Remember the song we sang together, the first and probably the only song we will sing together. We both are horrible singers. We just happen to both know the lyrics as it was on the radio that cloudy day on the ride home. That really was an ugly day.

I’m feeling numb and I know I’m dying in a slightly accelerated rate than I had originally intended. I don’t mind.

Dying helps me remember this

Empty Words

spoke to my friend,
i could not reach.
i hugged her empty,
i could not reach.
dug deep down i know she did,
inside her, the dream still kills
i kissed her soft and tender,
she looked with tired eyes.
i held her in warm surrender,
she's numb from the inside.

cold her lips are,
shineless her eyes are,
i touch her,i feel nothing
i look at her,she stares past me
she does not believe
she does not feel

underneath the sheets,she built her dreams
dreamt of a home,without a cornerstone
together as one,forever free
underneath the sun,just you and me
all came undone,silence the only home
music never played,for time took her love

as i am
i cannot see
as i am
i cannot reach
for i feel not her pain
i simply feel sorry
for i feel not her loss
i simply feel sorry
as i am
i cannot understand
as i am
i cannot be her friend

she spoke to me,
but i never felt.
she spoke to me,
but i didn't listen.
words dont mean a thing,
when silence is her being.
sympathy never yet made a friend,
empathy yet i do not inderstand.
she is faraway, she is all alone
she is faraway, she is all alone
she is faraway, she can never be home

In Dying

And so the mist swelled up from the snow
dancing in its own gloom glow.
Swallowing sun rays whole.
The roses crippled in the darkened night
begging for the return of light.
To burn out the blight.

Gold hues abandoned the circlet in the sky
and dust replaced the eye.
Permanence in sight.
No more in love's ache and never in hurt.
A frail existence subverted,


And for the body?
Burn it.

Cold Showers...

In the cold light of the morning,
there you are standing up my dreams,
and I try to hold it just a second longer,
just to see you smile then fade away.

Trickling down my body like cold water,
not sure I could take it, but too painful to resist,
And I can smell the hope and faith mix in blood and soap,
as you wash it down my drain and cease to exist.

Looking into that ugly mirror,
I see a reflection of white kissed blue,
and when this ice heart melts in shades of red,
I can only search for the fire that is you.

And in some unseen territory,
I imagine the source from where your light shines through,
but as fiction builds inside my lonely head,
wonder if I really know you.

Sitting on granite, chalking dreams,
theres a comfort this cold floor cant deny,
easing into corners, shaken, crawling by the walls,
with etches of my fingers beginning to seep in.

Looking past the grill outside my window,
couldnt find myself waiting for this day to begin,
and when Il smile like a child when an airplane goes by
Il still wonder if it were you
Il still want to go home

Somewhere I know I'm really all alone.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~Shraddha

UnderneathHerClothes...

Underneath her clothes,
There is a heart, barely beating,
slow, like molten gold,
its virtue, rises and falls.
But is it her face that denies it?
Or her ugly shows through the mask?
the mirror cracks in laughter,splitting,
but nobody ever cared to know.

Underneath her clothes,
there is a woman dying..
But they only see her chest heaving,
not her running out of breath.
And she bends to clutch her knees,
hoping someone would carry her home,
lay her down on a bed to rest,
and for once not hop in.

Underneath her clothes,
theres a will that cant keep fighting,
arms open as she feels it drown,
body sinking in this well.
Underneath her clothes,
theres a child who wants protection,
but no-one turned out the red lights, Roxanne.
And you have no price, to sell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The HollowMan

My heart was the first to go-
but even so
Thoughts tortured me
So I said goodbye to my brain and pulled out my eyes to string the lines of life, poetry, and all else through
The blackness still made it hard to breathe-
the truth
So I dissected my lungs.
I really found no use for everything else and took it out as well.
I realized my skin still bled,
So I carved some wood and slipped inside.
Yes the fire still burned,
but I was still terrified of stone.
And didn't want to be like everyone else.

Falling into Sunrises

You make me want to write bad poetry.
Roses are red, violets are blue
Instead of tying up angels.
Glossy oil over marble Michelangelos.
Or even jazz that sings from horns.
Normally it's sex. Or death. Or those interconnections.
You make me want to dumb everything down,
You vacuous gelatin mind.

You make me feel less abnormal.
By the way,
I think I hate you for that.
There's something to be said for anti-insanity presences.

I want you to listen to my lip syncing, listen hard. Close your eyes,
Damn'it:

Sunrise's burn the waking eyes,
there's painful last breath as you die.
Clouds will touch you,
and although you won't feel,
You know by the tip of your tongue,
They do.
Earth may fold me in an embrace,
but not now, not now.
Today,
I feel your breath on my neck.
Stronger and warmer.
Ready for me to retrace.

Muse...

Those beats so clamored,
they pound in her head,
yet for once she stands,
devoid song.

They turn into rhythm
then twist brazenly away
so lyrically blessed
pristine.

And the damsel in distress
starts to digress
from the pain.
Addled and
trapped in its web
that twists
and forces her to sway

Swinging
with the world glued to the tips
of her fingers
glistening,
in the sun
for a second
till she broke
and damned it to shadows
like her being.

Rising and falling
in perfect points and arcs
tired yet continuing
cause this hate drum
never stops.

And slowly as her thoughts,
burn to haze
with the world too heavy to swing
she brushes it off
One last time
and collapses to the floor
cold granite
smooth and endless
like an ocean of black.

I guess this is what death feels like
with her body arched
and chest raised
as it drew all the hatred from her soul
sucked her in
and spat her out
to fall to the side
eyes wide open
staring.

Slain, in the sound of the wind
and all that surrounded
heaving,
gasping,
like
she was free
to suffocate.

One last time
Just one last time.


It’s all over now.

Breathe.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Shraddha

Sasha...

What is this world,
if I stopped counting seconds
to when I could see your face,
to see your smile,
as each quarter of your teeth came into focus
and dissapeared.

What is this world when not happy,
as the air's no longer tickled,
by the taste of your lips,
and ether found its meaning.

And while the river falls somewhere in the distance,
I can hear its lost direction,
like it wouldnt know which way up or down,
& whoever told it left from right.

And this world was left empty,
like you drew the fizz from a bottle of coke,
shook it and all you had left
was sugar and water,
and it still didnt taste that sweet.

Close my eyes, trying to forget,
the days that caught me in bright sunrise,
forget, that light ever walked this earth,
when opened, im found staring into the mirror of today.

Dissolved in the shambles you've turned this house to,
like your power that made was the same that destroyed.

And I swear I find something evil, and sinister in her eyes,
the ones that stare back,
I see that smile emerge everytime,
you say you've met no one worth meeting.
like a possessed only child, happy lonely,
cause she has no need to share.

I can watch her eyes turn green in brightest envy,
as though loathing in defeat.
Everytime they find you happy in the presence of someone else.
Everytime someone seems beautiful.

I can feel her eyes go black in helplessness
like it was blank without a filter,
and no gaurd, with nothing to protect,
when this reflection finds a vanishing you.

And I cry for seconds now dead,
for the seconds I felt your arm wrap around mine.
and we'd walk not knowing,
where the road led us or whom to.
But theyd always lead us home.
Cause home was always you.

What is this world and all its stories,
when the same page doesnt contain me and you?
Who is my God here in Kindness and power,
when he knows not,
who am I, and who are you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No amount of liquid or smoke would ever let me forget.
could you find me a new pill to pop?
to soothe the pain.
I cannot take this anymore.
I Love you.

~ Shraddha

When No Clouds Line The Horizon

No signs of rain, yet still he waits,
Eyes upturned, wishing a pouring heaven.
Yet nothing his way does flow besides,
The wind from a desert once glen.

In his eyes he has seen the Ocean,
But feet never left his fallow land.
Dying is the unborn, as pregnant Earth,
Is parched as thirsty sand.

If tears could quench his thirsty Land,
The Rivers would, an Ocean be made.
But look what angry sun has wrought,
For tears have dried unmade.

He stands over the roots of,
A Tree ancient and knotted.
As he looks away and over the forest vale,
Where the dusky woods have rotted.

Entranced he moves, towards salvation,
When a buzzing awakens afar.
He turns to see the ague of grain,
For their due, have come from far.

With sad eyes over the Locusts wild,
And lips cracked into a last grin.
Over flung he, the catcher of Rye,
Into the blighted fen within.

The Wind...

Sinking into ripples like the winters Breeze,
cold light that fades, to oblivion like me,
you shall never grace, your dead storm with my sound,
as you rise in new ashes, my nexus drowns.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


~ Shraddha

Miser's Attention...

In empty words that broke and fell,
like water running up a paper mill,
you shattered my body, like porcelain bones,
scoffed and frowned and swallowed me whole.

And the distaste, so meaningless, I left in your mouth,
evident, in the apathy, when you drooled me out.
And when i wriggled lifelessly and struggled to breathe,
your lips bid me luck, eyes wouldnt care to see.

Turn to magic, your fingers, and everythings gold.
But when they flinched in disgust, they cast me in stone.
Yet i follow like a fool dancing in your light,
as you guide me into darkness, to lose me this night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Shraddha

Footsteps on cobblestone

as i sit for another day
slowly time will take her away
as i sip for another night
slowly the pain will subside
with tears gleaming in the morning sun
and the wind kissing my broken smile
moved away they all just did
making way for the perfect crime

as i walk down the empty street
my heart beats a different beat
amidst strangers i found a home
between time and footsteps on cobblestone

no longer do i need to run
no longer do i have to hide
free myself i can, of whats left inside
search deeper i can, of what remains us

all the stares make no sense
never did i have a winning smile
all the fear makes no sense
never did i have a cruel smile
temples i build within
with light that never dims
love i hold deep within
with time i become it

as i walk down the busy street
my heart beats a different beat
amidst myself i found a home
between silence and footsteps on cobblestone


Hmmm okay i havent been writing for a long time and this poem or whatever might seem stupid.. Dunno what made me write it or visit this blog after such a long time but am happy to be posting again :) Looking forward to comments from the people i know and love from our time in gothic community and other new readers as well..

Curiosity Killed The Damn Cat...

I can feel it in the wind,
And your breath on my face
The season turning to dust
And my soul to tar.

The days pass by and I spin,
Like a lonely stranger,
Stripped...and just realizing
He had clothes on.
Wishing he could shoot the birds in the trees
And dress in feathers
Yet finding only bark to his disposal.

And in this strange meander he finds
Four walls containing you,
Walks in as you flash that heavenly smile
A sense of overwhelming calm that somehow suddenly
And yet
Slowly turns to purgatory
Revealing my sins and flaws and counting so many
That I lose track of the fact
I may have a price attached to my name
Cause even tar sells.

Tar, Hot molten tar
That's spreading leaking out like sheer waste.
And over strong unusually cold eyes
I settle
Waiting for forgiveness
For belonging
For your eyes to once stare in my direction
Devoid of the disgust that burns my skin, like everyday.

Reflections in the water trying to turn mud to make up
Wishing seduction would make me the apple of your eye
Raped and torn in a bare glance, You,
is it you who makes me ugly?

Wondering in few silent moments when I can,
If this were your shrine,
Enveloped in bouts of masochism that forces me
To lay here to be whipped.

Are you just as fickle as I am?
Another stranger holding another
Till time passes by
And a better comes along...

And as our hearts grow older
I find yours turning to soft wax
And me,In rushes, like a child, jumping in,
Only to find my feet stuck in a candle,
And body Ready to be lit.
Dicey as you play hot and cold and I sink further in
Curiosity murdering the cat so helpless
It couldn't find out who you were,
If I could only touch your face just once,
And have your eyes only glance at me
An attention so undivided we'd be lost
In a bowl of truth
A spectrum where they couldn't lie
If only you wouldnt bite and turn me shy
Of asking questions.

Slowly the world turned, she never knew
ButThe end drew nearer,and time kept it's date.
The leaves outside the window had cleared
And the flood had paved a grave.
I dragged my feet along to his chamber
Courage to try cause I'd die anyway,
And as I touched his face
Not a thing occurred
His eyes seemed blank
And His life hollow
And in that spectrum of truth no questions were asked
And none answered...
Feeling tortured no more I slipped
Free and yet soaked in apathy towards anything that ever existed.
In my daze
I could hear the water knocking
What a shame to be so dispassionate at my last minute,
head hung,
I waited for the flood to take me
And as eyes opened I could only see the trees outside the window
With the leaves shed on the ground
And a tiny stone said " he who once lived, now lays here"

And as if
For the first time
In so long I could hear the forest speak
As though his voice had drowned out the world
As Though the pain was the greatest joy
He could've granted me...
And in the maddening hustle of the trees and the wind
That disturbed his quiet grave
all I could hear them say was
"we only blame you"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perhaps I was never ugly,
Maybe my doubts killed the one man who understood me true,
Perhaps this shrine was built for me,
Or perhaps you were ugly too.

~ Shraddha
Love yall all.. How are you?

Tears Painted On Canvas

It's hypnotizing, the way the rain falls. While I look to the clouds with open eyes, I see the origin of the heaven's tears. But its cool and it hurts like cold steel. The rain drenches me, and still the violins play on. The gods cry to music of beauty. And I've lost control. I've lost myself, To memories that overwhelm. I stand here, Bereft of hate, my pleading eyes, Drenched under a pouring sky. And its only you that I can feel, While I drown in rain in this sightless night. I remember how your words would make me feel, There is a chill running through me. I remember how you'd make me breathe slow and deep, But the present rain wouldn't let me. I'm spinning out of control, Under an onslaught of memories, And this rain... I yearn for a light to guide me home, But the dark clouds have taken my light. And the memories, Oh Maker! You told me you'd paint my words on canvas white, And never leave while I had a tear still left. Where are you now when the rain is my tears? And these words are flowing blind. There are black mountains on the right, And A valley looms on the other side. But its not a road my darling, my love. I'm trapped in my mind's embrace. Beyond your mountain, are you, a stranger now, And in the valley lies blissful ignorance. Where shall I make my love go to? I've tried crossing your mountain, I can't. And I can't stand being ignorant. So I'll march on ahead, If only this rain would let me see. I'm cold, and I'm dying inside. I'm lost, Yes I've lost control. I'm lost and the rain is steel lances. But the music guides me on, The violins in crescendo have risen, Don't let our song die. I only have memories, And this song. But still the rain, threatens to wash me away. In a cold embrace O Maker preserve us. Yes I've lost control.

This is Nothing

She was dancing. Lithe movements like something from a movie; was it all intentional, this perfect coordination? Water broke around her ankles and splashed her face and upper body and she bent low and tossed her head like a raging horse. Her red hair flared against the night and her pale skin seemed breakable, even under my gaze. I could have seen her shatter for how strongly I watched her. She wore shorts only, and a tank top. Nothing seductive like a curtain of skirt to dance upon, but still it was enough. Bare skin flashed with each movement. Cue the music that raged in my head. I couldn’t hear the music she obviously did. But I felt it. Thrumming deeply underneath my soles and through the ground, and exiting through her and her graceful movements like a spout. I felt the rain fall, and it never stopped her. Every night it never stopped her. --------------------------------- So funny story. It rains, thunders, and lightning is in the air and I'm watching it pour and I get the craziest urge. I can't think of why not to do this, which is insane in itself right, but I figure what is there to lose. I go outside and lay on the ground. It has rained so much that it is like lying in a shallow pool of water and it's raining so hard that I can only barely see the lightning in the sky despite feeling the thunder under my back. I stay there for about ten minutes before my odd laughter turns into shivers and I realize I've ruined the new dress I bought. It was worth it.