Falling into Sunrises

You make me want to write bad poetry.
Roses are red, violets are blue
Instead of tying up angels.
Glossy oil over marble Michelangelos.
Or even jazz that sings from horns.
Normally it's sex. Or death. Or those interconnections.
You make me want to dumb everything down,
You vacuous gelatin mind.

You make me feel less abnormal.
By the way,
I think I hate you for that.
There's something to be said for anti-insanity presences.

I want you to listen to my lip syncing, listen hard. Close your eyes,
Damn'it:

Sunrise's burn the waking eyes,
there's painful last breath as you die.
Clouds will touch you,
and although you won't feel,
You know by the tip of your tongue,
They do.
Earth may fold me in an embrace,
but not now, not now.
Today,
I feel your breath on my neck.
Stronger and warmer.
Ready for me to retrace.

Muse...

Those beats so clamored,
they pound in her head,
yet for once she stands,
devoid song.

They turn into rhythm
then twist brazenly away
so lyrically blessed
pristine.

And the damsel in distress
starts to digress
from the pain.
Addled and
trapped in its web
that twists
and forces her to sway

Swinging
with the world glued to the tips
of her fingers
glistening,
in the sun
for a second
till she broke
and damned it to shadows
like her being.

Rising and falling
in perfect points and arcs
tired yet continuing
cause this hate drum
never stops.

And slowly as her thoughts,
burn to haze
with the world too heavy to swing
she brushes it off
One last time
and collapses to the floor
cold granite
smooth and endless
like an ocean of black.

I guess this is what death feels like
with her body arched
and chest raised
as it drew all the hatred from her soul
sucked her in
and spat her out
to fall to the side
eyes wide open
staring.

Slain, in the sound of the wind
and all that surrounded
heaving,
gasping,
like
she was free
to suffocate.

One last time
Just one last time.


It’s all over now.

Breathe.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Shraddha

Sasha...

What is this world,
if I stopped counting seconds
to when I could see your face,
to see your smile,
as each quarter of your teeth came into focus
and dissapeared.

What is this world when not happy,
as the air's no longer tickled,
by the taste of your lips,
and ether found its meaning.

And while the river falls somewhere in the distance,
I can hear its lost direction,
like it wouldnt know which way up or down,
& whoever told it left from right.

And this world was left empty,
like you drew the fizz from a bottle of coke,
shook it and all you had left
was sugar and water,
and it still didnt taste that sweet.

Close my eyes, trying to forget,
the days that caught me in bright sunrise,
forget, that light ever walked this earth,
when opened, im found staring into the mirror of today.

Dissolved in the shambles you've turned this house to,
like your power that made was the same that destroyed.

And I swear I find something evil, and sinister in her eyes,
the ones that stare back,
I see that smile emerge everytime,
you say you've met no one worth meeting.
like a possessed only child, happy lonely,
cause she has no need to share.

I can watch her eyes turn green in brightest envy,
as though loathing in defeat.
Everytime they find you happy in the presence of someone else.
Everytime someone seems beautiful.

I can feel her eyes go black in helplessness
like it was blank without a filter,
and no gaurd, with nothing to protect,
when this reflection finds a vanishing you.

And I cry for seconds now dead,
for the seconds I felt your arm wrap around mine.
and we'd walk not knowing,
where the road led us or whom to.
But theyd always lead us home.
Cause home was always you.

What is this world and all its stories,
when the same page doesnt contain me and you?
Who is my God here in Kindness and power,
when he knows not,
who am I, and who are you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No amount of liquid or smoke would ever let me forget.
could you find me a new pill to pop?
to soothe the pain.
I cannot take this anymore.
I Love you.

~ Shraddha

When No Clouds Line The Horizon

No signs of rain, yet still he waits,
Eyes upturned, wishing a pouring heaven.
Yet nothing his way does flow besides,
The wind from a desert once glen.

In his eyes he has seen the Ocean,
But feet never left his fallow land.
Dying is the unborn, as pregnant Earth,
Is parched as thirsty sand.

If tears could quench his thirsty Land,
The Rivers would, an Ocean be made.
But look what angry sun has wrought,
For tears have dried unmade.

He stands over the roots of,
A Tree ancient and knotted.
As he looks away and over the forest vale,
Where the dusky woods have rotted.

Entranced he moves, towards salvation,
When a buzzing awakens afar.
He turns to see the ague of grain,
For their due, have come from far.

With sad eyes over the Locusts wild,
And lips cracked into a last grin.
Over flung he, the catcher of Rye,
Into the blighted fen within.

The Wind...

Sinking into ripples like the winters Breeze,
cold light that fades, to oblivion like me,
you shall never grace, your dead storm with my sound,
as you rise in new ashes, my nexus drowns.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


~ Shraddha

Miser's Attention...

In empty words that broke and fell,
like water running up a paper mill,
you shattered my body, like porcelain bones,
scoffed and frowned and swallowed me whole.

And the distaste, so meaningless, I left in your mouth,
evident, in the apathy, when you drooled me out.
And when i wriggled lifelessly and struggled to breathe,
your lips bid me luck, eyes wouldnt care to see.

Turn to magic, your fingers, and everythings gold.
But when they flinched in disgust, they cast me in stone.
Yet i follow like a fool dancing in your light,
as you guide me into darkness, to lose me this night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Shraddha

Footsteps on cobblestone

as i sit for another day
slowly time will take her away
as i sip for another night
slowly the pain will subside
with tears gleaming in the morning sun
and the wind kissing my broken smile
moved away they all just did
making way for the perfect crime

as i walk down the empty street
my heart beats a different beat
amidst strangers i found a home
between time and footsteps on cobblestone

no longer do i need to run
no longer do i have to hide
free myself i can, of whats left inside
search deeper i can, of what remains us

all the stares make no sense
never did i have a winning smile
all the fear makes no sense
never did i have a cruel smile
temples i build within
with light that never dims
love i hold deep within
with time i become it

as i walk down the busy street
my heart beats a different beat
amidst myself i found a home
between silence and footsteps on cobblestone


Hmmm okay i havent been writing for a long time and this poem or whatever might seem stupid.. Dunno what made me write it or visit this blog after such a long time but am happy to be posting again :) Looking forward to comments from the people i know and love from our time in gothic community and other new readers as well..

Curiosity Killed The Damn Cat...

I can feel it in the wind,
And your breath on my face
The season turning to dust
And my soul to tar.

The days pass by and I spin,
Like a lonely stranger,
Stripped...and just realizing
He had clothes on.
Wishing he could shoot the birds in the trees
And dress in feathers
Yet finding only bark to his disposal.

And in this strange meander he finds
Four walls containing you,
Walks in as you flash that heavenly smile
A sense of overwhelming calm that somehow suddenly
And yet
Slowly turns to purgatory
Revealing my sins and flaws and counting so many
That I lose track of the fact
I may have a price attached to my name
Cause even tar sells.

Tar, Hot molten tar
That's spreading leaking out like sheer waste.
And over strong unusually cold eyes
I settle
Waiting for forgiveness
For belonging
For your eyes to once stare in my direction
Devoid of the disgust that burns my skin, like everyday.

Reflections in the water trying to turn mud to make up
Wishing seduction would make me the apple of your eye
Raped and torn in a bare glance, You,
is it you who makes me ugly?

Wondering in few silent moments when I can,
If this were your shrine,
Enveloped in bouts of masochism that forces me
To lay here to be whipped.

Are you just as fickle as I am?
Another stranger holding another
Till time passes by
And a better comes along...

And as our hearts grow older
I find yours turning to soft wax
And me,In rushes, like a child, jumping in,
Only to find my feet stuck in a candle,
And body Ready to be lit.
Dicey as you play hot and cold and I sink further in
Curiosity murdering the cat so helpless
It couldn't find out who you were,
If I could only touch your face just once,
And have your eyes only glance at me
An attention so undivided we'd be lost
In a bowl of truth
A spectrum where they couldn't lie
If only you wouldnt bite and turn me shy
Of asking questions.

Slowly the world turned, she never knew
ButThe end drew nearer,and time kept it's date.
The leaves outside the window had cleared
And the flood had paved a grave.
I dragged my feet along to his chamber
Courage to try cause I'd die anyway,
And as I touched his face
Not a thing occurred
His eyes seemed blank
And His life hollow
And in that spectrum of truth no questions were asked
And none answered...
Feeling tortured no more I slipped
Free and yet soaked in apathy towards anything that ever existed.
In my daze
I could hear the water knocking
What a shame to be so dispassionate at my last minute,
head hung,
I waited for the flood to take me
And as eyes opened I could only see the trees outside the window
With the leaves shed on the ground
And a tiny stone said " he who once lived, now lays here"

And as if
For the first time
In so long I could hear the forest speak
As though his voice had drowned out the world
As Though the pain was the greatest joy
He could've granted me...
And in the maddening hustle of the trees and the wind
That disturbed his quiet grave
all I could hear them say was
"we only blame you"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perhaps I was never ugly,
Maybe my doubts killed the one man who understood me true,
Perhaps this shrine was built for me,
Or perhaps you were ugly too.

~ Shraddha
Love yall all.. How are you?

Tears Painted On Canvas

It's hypnotizing, the way the rain falls. While I look to the clouds with open eyes, I see the origin of the heaven's tears. But its cool and it hurts like cold steel. The rain drenches me, and still the violins play on. The gods cry to music of beauty. And I've lost control. I've lost myself, To memories that overwhelm. I stand here, Bereft of hate, my pleading eyes, Drenched under a pouring sky. And its only you that I can feel, While I drown in rain in this sightless night. I remember how your words would make me feel, There is a chill running through me. I remember how you'd make me breathe slow and deep, But the present rain wouldn't let me. I'm spinning out of control, Under an onslaught of memories, And this rain... I yearn for a light to guide me home, But the dark clouds have taken my light. And the memories, Oh Maker! You told me you'd paint my words on canvas white, And never leave while I had a tear still left. Where are you now when the rain is my tears? And these words are flowing blind. There are black mountains on the right, And A valley looms on the other side. But its not a road my darling, my love. I'm trapped in my mind's embrace. Beyond your mountain, are you, a stranger now, And in the valley lies blissful ignorance. Where shall I make my love go to? I've tried crossing your mountain, I can't. And I can't stand being ignorant. So I'll march on ahead, If only this rain would let me see. I'm cold, and I'm dying inside. I'm lost, Yes I've lost control. I'm lost and the rain is steel lances. But the music guides me on, The violins in crescendo have risen, Don't let our song die. I only have memories, And this song. But still the rain, threatens to wash me away. In a cold embrace O Maker preserve us. Yes I've lost control.

This is Nothing

She was dancing. Lithe movements like something from a movie; was it all intentional, this perfect coordination? Water broke around her ankles and splashed her face and upper body and she bent low and tossed her head like a raging horse. Her red hair flared against the night and her pale skin seemed breakable, even under my gaze. I could have seen her shatter for how strongly I watched her. She wore shorts only, and a tank top. Nothing seductive like a curtain of skirt to dance upon, but still it was enough. Bare skin flashed with each movement. Cue the music that raged in my head. I couldn’t hear the music she obviously did. But I felt it. Thrumming deeply underneath my soles and through the ground, and exiting through her and her graceful movements like a spout. I felt the rain fall, and it never stopped her. Every night it never stopped her. --------------------------------- So funny story. It rains, thunders, and lightning is in the air and I'm watching it pour and I get the craziest urge. I can't think of why not to do this, which is insane in itself right, but I figure what is there to lose. I go outside and lay on the ground. It has rained so much that it is like lying in a shallow pool of water and it's raining so hard that I can only barely see the lightning in the sky despite feeling the thunder under my back. I stay there for about ten minutes before my odd laughter turns into shivers and I realize I've ruined the new dress I bought. It was worth it.

No Light Over Silent Water

We sat over the wet sand, When the solar shadows were long. We strummed the melodies stumbling past, From oft forgotten song. The song enchants an angel white, Which ripples the silent seas. Then silver songbirds in crescendo rise, From autumn untouched trees. The angel of heaven had fallen from grace, And wet was his visage white. The fallen angel's tears made green, A barren forest untouched by light. The newborn river spake at last, "O seraphim, what hast thou done?" "To cry unbidden in woods so brown, While thy brethern soar aft the sun." "O mighty brook", he spoke at last, "I've failed my brothers three." His mighty wings unfolded at last, As he spoke of his pregnant grief. "Far from grace have I fallen, O brook, Flung far from my firmament blue." "The high heavens have torn asunder, Above clouds so white and true" "A dark rain lingers heavy on, A heaven once bright and proud. White flames arc under flickering suns, No wings on angels sprout." "Heaven lies burning, cries freedom in tears, Mists darken vistas of green, The gates of heaven are now twisted metal, And falling are golden leaves." "What hast thou wrought", the brook now cried, "On earth you wretched soul." The earth exploded as the river fell dead, From the tears of the angel fourth. He knelt weeping in overflowing waters, As land was vanquished in sight. His tears fell over lands barren once more, As earth was burned alight.

Print.

Do you want to hear a story? It's a Love story, I promise. Once upon a time there once was a girl who knew Love just about as well as any other very young girl. One day everything changed, and she became aware of Fake Love and Abusive Love. The girl became a victim of child abuse at 7 years old. She never told anyone, yet everyone knew from her broken bones and surgeries. Years later she'd realize she had discovered another Love, Shamed Love (although at the time she didn't understand). The many people she Devotedly Loved, and would continue to Love, yet still never said a word to her about what she went through. It's okay. By then she was very good at pretending nothing was wrong. Some say it was because of this that she is the way she is. She disagrees. Her Guardian (Angel) became her brother. The only one to stand up against her abuser. She went to live with him. However, she only discovered another Love. Desperate Love. She so desperately wanted to be saved she lived in a house full of young alcohol and drug abusers, all whom searched for Love at the bottom of the bottle. This desperation began another tale. She would be quite a different girl. From her eyes to the way she spoke. She had plenty of time to grow up, plenty of time to think. She wasn't like the other girls. Not so good, and not so bad. However this difference led to fascination. She was becoming of age where boys found attraction in those silly words she said, and other things. She would have 3 proposals before she hit 18 years of age. She'd break many hearts and have hers confused many times and broken as well. Worse she had never successfully became numb. She didn't feel like others seemed to feel. She felt each pain she hand served so much deeper, while looking like a warm heart breaker. She saw emotions and the world in such a different complex way that she'd never forget a single name, all the while never looking back. She'd meet many types of men, and boys, and dirt. Some who would betray her and rape her friend, some who would stalk her, and some who would use her lack of self preservation to guilt her into many things -Someone who mistook Need for Love; Oh so close, yet so far. She also attracted other people. Her family. Her Uncle. And she'd tell no one why she can't be with him anymore. So all this while this is a Love story. People tell me there are many different types of Love; what you feel for a friend, a family member, or your significant other.

The Waiting...

The night just breaks away to pieces, but i'm still standing here waiting for the dead sun to move along. I've seen a million times these faces, and what lies beneath, But I wish i didnt have to be the one. And everytime you hurt, I must hurt more than you, and everytime you fall, I skin my knees. Now i stand here just your puppet, whose head you tore apart, cause i refuse to dance as you please. And i gave you my soul, my life, prayed you get my heaven too, as you ripped the feathers off my bony wings. Why do you fear i'd fly, when i have no where to go to? when i skimper, like your dog, when your bell rings. You've walked across my soul, you know its every corner, cant you no longer see what i hide? You burned your stamp into my skin, And I, took it for an honour, till you concealed me like a blemish to your pride. And every treasure that i own, has only come from you, do you see me not as one who would repay? didnt you hear my glass heart shatter, when you crowned me mistress to your pain, and you spun so meaningless in blinding rage. And the world begins to spin, the haze begins to fade, yet i can smell this delirium on my skin would you hold me close would let me go my mind cant decide, And I keep paying playing praying to pay just for your sins. And I love you oh so dearly, and Ive failed you every time, and as i try leaving, i can only pray, But If the world starts to crumble, my blind arms would reach for you, and tonight its your safety that makes me walk away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I know there is a break..and i rushed into writing it..really need input..after this very long writers block. And Hey! : ]

Tone

*A note, a comment, a little hint. Do not read this plainly, monotone, or like a mime. Read with the hint of rhyme - although there is none. Read with sarcasm, frivolity, and mourning...Read with emotion that had been locked into a television screen. If that makes sense to you. Without further ado: If there was ever a picturesque "blackened woods"- it was these. Painted over by an oil so thick that it not only chocked the trees, but air itself. Screams were swallowed whole by these woods. Although you are lost, however no more or less than anyone else, you dare not take off the blindfold. Being lost, at first, was not so bad. The darkness was not lonely, and it hardly appeared dark. The shallow breathing that was forced out of your deflating lungs was symphonic, and almost companion worthy. It began with the itch on your nose. You itched it. Just barely brushed the blindfold. Just barely. In fact, so barely that it was softer than the air around it, and even the occasional breeze. However, it was so alien that you became aware of everything for a moment. The oil layers on your skin and the numbing cold as it stiffened on you - but that was gone soon enough. But something wasn't. You felt the edge of your blindfold on your face so acutely that every thread hummed with a strange life. You dared not touch it. But it rubbed on you, slipped and slid across your eyes, and you itched and rubbed your body in hope to distract yourself. But it was powerful. Even in sex you felt the threads over your eyes. Mocking you in their strange life. Sitting at the roots of this blackened tree in these blackened woods...You've been bleeding out slowly...You cut your tongue out...Ripped your nails out...Still the blindfold lay against your eyes like the marriage band. Stuck. Suffocating. The shallow breathing had slowed and you heard your heartbeat. A thump, a thump, quicker thump ... then a thump, a thump. Touching your face, the blood smeared. Your fingers skirted away from that filth. Skirted until you began touching the electrifying edges of that blindfold. You place your hands over your eyes as if to smother it in. Grimacing. You become the scream swallowed whole. ** I've got no explanation for this. All of you! Come out of hiding immediately.

Aftermath

He's like the ghost in my bedroom, true I can't see him, but I feel the presence enough to not want to change in it. I feel your breath, tugging on my soul. I am though: Soulless, ...maybe it's my heart. Heartless, ...maybe it's my dreams. But I sleep dreamless still moreover. Whispers catch my ear, although I'm deaf. And I feel your presence, although I'm numb. I'm the ghost to your handlings, And yet you haunt me. -Not a poem, just my rambles. Miss you all again. I'm on the crawling high loop of life, but I'm only just now adjusting to it again. You know what I mean.

An Ocean Between Us

There is quiet on the shores of heaven, Broken by the crashing waves. A soundless wind from mountain blows, Over a darkened flowery vale. Desolate winter envelopes the land, And cries the land for water. Parched has been the drying earth, In the madness of winter's slaughter. But spring then blooms in tender twigs, And the sun across the zodiac dances. Spring has come to set us free, From the winter's threatening lances. But August comes with Autumn gray, Whom the forest welcomes in pain. The last leaves while dying saw, The threatening black clouds of rain. There is an ocean between us, And a storm mars the horizon bleak. Oblivious rain from a sky of rust falls, The wind whispers to the creek. I cannot fight this Ocean of Hate, The Divine Light hidden beyond a Forest of trees. The dark Sun shadows the Ocean Land, And hope dies in a moment of peace.

Luminosity...!!!!

I could feel I couldn’t feel I did though I didn’t yet You saw me But you didn’t Did you? You think you touched I think you didn’t Touch Series of glances Of never-ending chaotic heartbeats Saying I never wanna let go First not feel Then not give Then not overtake This sense of binding force Of forsaken forbidden Fantasies And reasons To touch See you Touch me Senses overtaking breaths Breaths Indulging in forevermore sin A sin So pure Immortal So real Surreal I wanna believe not I wanna feel not That I took What I shouldn’t have How did Innumerous colors merge With my vibrancy How did Your luminosity merge With my light We took And we gave To one another Energy That wouldn’t end We shared Sound power and eclectic insanity we breathed together and said how how how did we emerge??? Emergence like fumes Of invisible smoke Emergence like rays Of invisible light Emergence like creation Of invisible darkness Emergence Just emergence…!!!!!!!

An Evening For Flowers

Its that time of the Sunwalk, When the angled shadows sway. And sway they did, like Angels do, Under shaded Vales far away. But far below the Cherry Sun, A carriage trundles along. It bounces on the stones below, Like a ship trapped in a storm. And oh it falls like a Ship run aground, As the wilting Evening dies. Flowers broken fall like rain, From the cart who groans and cries. A Rose, she saw from her field beyond, The falling flowers hoarded. But fell in love, with one she did, The Lily as he unboarded. And lo, her heart went out to him, She stepped out of her ground. Her tremulous legs carried her far, as she kissed the Lily down. But all she felt were lifeless petals, Of the Lily for whom she had fallen. As the darkness veils the Ruby fields, On their graves, the Snow had fallen.

Vanity: You are no Fairytale

The Debut: The hearts you place in your eyes are deceivingly sublime. Stop those claws from the pearl of your skin. Take instead the bite of your lips to make accounts of the smiles you receive (ignore the pity). Wear it like badges upon your chest, but on your wrist. The Silent Ball: The pallor of your skin is not envied, Belle. The horrors of your nights are not hidden, and yet not horrifying. The whispers that ring your bells and shake your tea cups isn't gossiping Jealous, and the white room isn't encased in rose thorns (bending in coquette curiosity). The Fall of the Midnight Hour: Hence to your image in the ripples of the lake, and just as humble humility comes - it comes too late. The rose petals have fallen and the frozen pool has stolen your image. Hiding it in copious dew. --- Hello Everyone. This isn't a poem. And probably doesn't make sense to a lot. It just, wove out you could say as I wrote on a page: I have nothing to write...it began writing itself. So, much love. I remember you all, so come out of the shell to say hello. -Rachel

Bloom

How fall the horses' hooves upon mossy ground, As the earth below crumbles to dust. Then wooden wheels trample the barren, Ground parched with water's lust. The beast is barren for the harvest gold, As the sun races across the flannel sky. When all behold the beast has reared, For a falling flower in the rye. Words like music float from the fallen lily, A question in the coda they form. Why oh why you beast of light, Have torn me from the ground. There was an ocean in the face the music formed, Red roses beneath the mountain shade. Like a tremulous stem of lotus blooms, Upon the white tree the face laid. The winter child alighted upon the ground, And laid his lips among the roses. Then turned to the fallen flower as, The evening sky's light door closes. He lays the lily among the groves, And smiles as the flower sighs. The love of her floats like mist, For the winter child as she cries. And then he falls as the lily dies, From his unforgiving barren cold. And as the winter falls the fields explode, In frozen lilies of gold.

End Of Beginning

cold black eyes stare me back as a tear rolls down inside never to show what you hold i suffer the not knowing why gray is turning black a void being defined memories beckon again foreshadowing my heart a ghost was i?? to unburden yourself?? just a mean was i?? towards your end?? never knew did i?? just what i meant?? i want to see you cry,, just for me this time.. i want to hear you call,, my name in your final breath.. i want to see you fall,, and try to reach my hand.. i want to know,, if i meant anything at all.. an empty shell were you?? in which i tried to fill my heart.. an eternal darkness were you?? which i tried to turn to light.. damsel in distress were you?? whose knight i tried to be.. what am i? did you never ask yourself?? why am i? did you never wonder why?? who am i? did you understand what i mean?? why should i? i never asked myself..